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Darkness Has So Many Names

Darkness Has So Many Names

ערב, לילה, חושך


On the first day God creates חושך, names it לילה, and the first ערב descend rights after

Darkness, named “night”, falls into evening

An essence, given a time, moves into transition


.


There was a me before this world

Draped in the deep velvet of the night sky,

Galaxies cascading in a glistening stream of diadems across my collarbones

My waist synched with Orion’s belt

השם and I danced across עולמות of space and עולמות of time, and the swirls of our hips defined the orbits of the planets and the swish of my skirt made the wind


When I was born my essence was given a time,

Like darkness into night

Given a name

And a body and a gender and an assignment and a lineage and a family and a faith and a home and a breath


And my חושך wriggled its shoulders into its new existence as a לילה, accustoming to the scents and tastes and pains and ecstacies of being alive and being conscious, of being here and being now


How different it was than the freedom she sometimes yearned for - back in the arms of השם and the infinite


Remembering what it was like before her soul and her truth were translated into a life and a body

Before there were any walls between self, and God


Trippingfallingstumblingbeinggrowingpraising, in this new world

An infinite essence learning what it’s like to be defined and alive


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I was born at 10:59, in the deep night. My life beginning as the first day did, in darkness.

When I saw my first dawn a few hours later it looked familiar. When I saw my first ערב after that, I knew I’d recognized myself


Not in the poles of dark and light, but in the magnificent awe-inducing oil painting of orange and pink that kissed the edges of the clouds


Every day we learn what it means for the pure to bleed into the mixture, for the defined to get prefixed with an un

tasting infinite again, for a moment


Each sunrise a transition, each sunset a transition

Where demons abound and blessings reach a cacophonous fever pitch and the sky is at its most beautiful


A twice-daily wink from השם in the heavens, who remembers our diadem dances, who turned the essence of my חושך into the לילה of my life, and then who blessedly causes the ערב to drip down on us each evening, in all its queer glory, to remind us the holiness, of the inbetween


ברוכה את יה שכינה, המעריבה ערבים

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